


You're Home To Me

by LilyAnson



Series: Challenges.  Some drabbles, some not so much. [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Divergence, Episode: s07e02 Hello Cruel World, Established Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, One Shot, Protective Dean Winchester, Rewrite, Sam Hallucinates, Worried Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 04:04:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10689399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyAnson/pseuds/LilyAnson
Summary: Sam has trouble trying to determine what's real and what's a hallucination.  When he's finally forced to confide to the others that he's been having hallucinations he gets worried about the strain it will put on his relationship with Dean.





	You're Home To Me

**Author's Note:**

> "Yes, some of the script for 7x02 Hello Cruel World is included. No, it's not mine and I don't claim it. This is a rewrite. If you recognize it from the show, it's not mine.

If he couldn’t get these hallucinations under control he was going to go crazy. Sam paused at that thought. Okay, crazier. As it was he already didn’t feel safe accompanying anyone on a hunt. Right now Dean was off checking into a lead they had on possible Leviathan activity and Bobby was at Sioux Falls General Hospital checking on Sheriff Mills. Thankfully, at the moment Lucifer was nowhere to be seen. 

Ever since the whole being soulless thing his relationship with Dean had been strained. It had finally begun to get better when the hallucinations started. He kept them hidden hoping they’d stop before anyone found out about them. The last thing he needed was Dean finding out something else was wrong with him. Things were just starting to look up finally. The way Dean looked at him now that he knew about the hallucinations hurt. He _needed_ Dean. It had been so long since they'd even been together Sam was getting worried. 

At the moment Sam was assembling and reassembling his gun. Checking the time it took each time he frowned. It wasn’t bad but it also wasn’t as fast as he usually managed. Suddenly lights from a car slid across the wall. The familiar rumble of the engine told Sam it was the Impala pulling into the driveway. The front door swung open and Dean entered. Several seconds later he entered the library.

“Dean,” Sam greeted.

“Hey. Oh yeah, good thinking,” Dean said striding forward. Reaching out he picked up Sam’s beer and took a long swig. 

“Uh,” Sam began.

“So I, uh, I followed those swim kid Levia-whatever…” 

“To where?” Sam asked.

“Here. Well, back to town, and that ain’t the good news.”

“What?” 

“It ain’t just two of them, I don’t think.”

“Did you call Bobby?” Sam asked sitting forward slightly.

“Yeah, he’s working his own case. I gotta move and I need back-up. That means you.”

“Wait,” Sam interrupted. “You sure about that?” he asked.

“I know. You’re bonkers, but luckily I just need you to keep the engine running and wait by the back door. Just don’t, uh, don’t let Satan change my presets. Let’s go.”

Scowling Sam stood up and snagged his gun and jacket. He followed Dean out of the house and got into the Impala. As they pulled out of the driveway Sam’s thoughts returned to his relationship with Dean. Honestly Dean’s attitude wasn’t too unexpected. He’d been pretty upset about Sam not saying anything about the hallucinations sooner. Sam had hoped with a little time to process things Dean might have… well, not calmed down precisely, but maybe be a little more understanding about why Sam hadn’t said something sooner. 

Sam thought back on all the experiences they’d been through. In the past those things had only helped bring them closer. Maybe one day they would be able to put this behind them and it would only serve to strengthen their relationship. He hoped so. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing Dean. He’d been in love for as long as he could remember. It was part of the reason he had been insistent about leaving as soon as possible. At the time he hadn’t thought Dean would ever want to be with him that way. 

It wasn’t until he had accidentally kissed Dean that Dean even suspected anything. It was sometime after Michael and Lucifer showed up trying to get them to say yes. Sam had gotten drunk trying to forget about everything temporarily. When Dean had shown up Sam was angry and sullen about being thrust into the entire apocalypse thing. He would have loved nothing more than to fall into Dean’s arms and break down. Instead Sam had tried to pick a fight to keep from breaking down and seeking comfort in his brother’s arms. He should have known better. Dean knew him better than anyone else. 

Dean had merely crossed his arms and stared. When Sam had tired of trying to argue, in spite of his best efforts not to, he finally broke down. Dean walked over and helped Sam to bed making sure the covers were just so before turning to leave. Sam called to Dean before Dean could fully straighten. The second Dean had turned back to face him Sam kissed him. It was impulsive. It was reckless. It was stupid. Still, he hadn’t been able to stop himself. Dean had stood frozen for several seconds before returning the kiss. Sam tried for more that night but Dean wouldn’t agree to anything while he was still drunk. Sam smiled at the memory. He missed that; protective Dean. What happened to their relationship? Was there anyway to get it back to how it was before? 

“How you doing, Sam?” Dean asked cutting into his thoughts. “In the head region. Devil still riding shotgun?”

“Not right now, but... yeah,” Sam told him.

“Maybe we ought to get you, I don’t know…”

“Some – some what? Some... professional help? What are they gonna do, Dean? Just stuff me full of pills. We’ll figure out some other option.”

“Okay yeah, but what are your other options? You remember when Martin took his nose-dive and started shooting at nothing? I mean his sweater unraveled fast.”

“I’m not Martin.”

“No, but you are crazy. That don’t wash off. You get that, right? You are never going to be okay, Sam.”

Finally they started to slow down as they pulled into a parking lot. When the car finally stopped and they got out of the Impala inspected the building. Sam frowned trying to figure out what the Leviathans would want with this particular building. It didn’t look like anything special at first sight. 

“Oh, dammit,” Dean cursed. “There’s five of ’em. All right, come on.”

“Are you sure?” Sam asked.

“Yeah and listen, when we get in there you gotta keep it together.”

“Yeah, yeah. I will, I –”

“‘Cause if you’re seeing Lucifer, then you could be seeing all kinds of crap, okay? You just don’t know,” Dean stated off-handedly.

“How is this helping?”

“I’m just saying, Sam, you’re out of control.”

“I’m dealing with it the best I can,” Sam shot back.

“Dealing? Sorry, that’s just funny. I mean how can you deal? You think this is an office building, right?”

“Sorry. Wrong,” Dean told him as they entered.

Sam inspected the interior suddenly confused. Instead of the inside of an office building it seemed they were in an empty and abandoned warehouse with concrete floors. “Where the hell are we?” he snapped turning back to his brother.

“Oh, you think I’m Dean! Right. You poor clueless son of a bitch.”

As he watched Dean’s features shifted until he was staring into Lucifer’s face. “Stay the hell away from me.” Sam stumbled backward a few steps before turning his back to the hallucination and trying to walk away. 

“Your world is whatever I want it to be, understand?” the hallucination of the devil informed him.

Turning around quickly Sam shot at the place where the devil had been standing. He paused and blinked in confusion several times when the spot was empty. 

“Now we’re getting there. Pinocchio’s seeing his strings,” Lucifer said gleefully from behind him.

“Shut up,” Sam snarled, turning around quickly to face the hallucination.

“It’s the big crescendo.”

“I said shut up!” Sam shouted as he fired another shot. Of course Lucifer had disappeared again before the bullet could hit him.

“Want to point that gun at someone useful? Try your face,” Lucifer said from behind him once more.

Sam whirled around again to face Lucifer.

“Want to know the truth? Want to skip to the last page of the book? You know where to aim,” Lucifer told him, walking closer. Holding his fingers under his chin Lucifer made a sound to imitate a gun.

“Sam? Sam!”

Sam twisted around at the sound of Dean calling his name. He stared uncomprehending as his brother walked towards him. 

“Oh look. Another me,” said Dean’s voice from beside him.

Turning his head Sam saw a second Dean.

“Sam, what are you doing?” the Dean that just arrived asked.

Sam raised his gun unsure if he was hallucinating or not.

“Whoa, whoa!” the new Dean called out.

“I was with you, Dean!” Sam shouted.

“Okay,” Dean said calmly. “Well, here I am.”

“No. No, I don’t, I…” Sam’s resolve faltered as he tried to understand things. Turning his head he glanced back and forth between the two Deans. Could it be a trick of Lucifer’s or was one of the Dean’s real? He turned back to the new Dean. “I can’t know that for sure. You understand me?”

“Okay. We’re gonna have to start small,” Dean began.

“I don’t remember driving here,” Sam told him.

“Well that’s because I drove,” Lucifer interjected. “Sam is very suggestible,” Lucifer fake-whispered to Dean.

Sam twisted quickly and took a shot at Lucifer who, of course, had disappeared again.

“Whoa, whoa, Sam! This discussion does not require a weapons discharge!” Dean shouted.

Breathing heavily and still eying the room cautiously Sam slowly lowered his gun.

“Look at me,” Dean insisted. “Come on. You don’t know what’s real? Look man, I’ve been to hell okay? “I know a thing or two about torture. Enough to know that it feels different than the pain of this – this regular, stupid, crappy _this_.”

“No,” Sam disagreed. “How can you know that for sure?”

“Let me see your hand,” Dean demanded reaching out his own hand.

Sam glanced down to his hands before starting to lift his right hand.

“No, no. The – the gimp hand! Let me see it.”

“Smell you, Florence Nightingale,” Lucifer said, once again standing beside Sam.

Surprised, Sam jumped then turn to face Lucifer. Dean took that opportunity to reach out and snag Sam’s left hand. 

“Hey,” Dean said sternly, gripping Sam’s hand firmly. “This is real. Not a year ago, not in hell. Now. I was with you when you cut it. I sewed it up! Look!” Dean squeezed Sam’s hand hard, digging his thumb into the cut. Beside Dean Lucifer flickered slightly.

“We’ve done a lot more with pain,” Lucifer stated dismissively.

Sam winced at the pain stabbing through his now throbbing hand.

“This is different, right?” Dean asked. “Different from the crap that’s tearing at your walnut? I’m different. Right?”

Sam pulled his hand away allowing Dean to retain possession of the gun. 

“I think so,” he whispered.

“You sure about that, bunk buddy?” Lucifer asked cocking an eyebrow.

“Sam?” Dean called.

Sam returned his attention to Dean. With another quick glance to Lucifer Sam pressed his right thumb into the wound on his left hand. He ignored the pain and the blood soaking through the bandages. The image of Lucifer flickered several more times.

“Doesn’t mean anything,” Lucifer sniffed.

“Hey. I am your flesh-and-blood brother, okay? I’m the only one who can legitimately kick your ass in real time. You got away. We got you out, Sammy.”

“Sammy, Sammy,” Lucifer sighed.

Grimacing Sam continued to press his thumb firmly into the wound on his hand.

“Sammy, I’m the only one who can…”

Lucifer flickered twice more and finally vanished.

“Believe me, okay? You gotta believe me, Sam. You gotta make it stone number one and build on it. You understand?”

Biting his lower lip Sam nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, okay,” he whispered. “Hey Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you… I mean are we…” he trailed off, unable to finish. Instantly Dean strode forward and wrapped his arms around him. Sam melted into the embrace and leaned against Dean. 

“Of course Sammy. How could you ever think that I would ever let you go? No baby, you’re not going to lose me no matter what,” Dean assured him.

Too worn out to even speak Sam nodded and buried his face in the crook of Dean’s neck.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you Sam. No matter what happens I will always love you, okay?”

“Promise?” Sam asked, still unsure.

“Promise,” Dean assured him. “Ready to go home now?”

Sam nodded once again and allowed Dean to lead him to the Impala. Walking to the passenger side Dean opened the door and waited for Sam to get inside. As soon as Sam was settled Dean closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side. His fear of losing Dean wasn’t going to come true and whatever happened they would get through it together. For the first time in a long time Sam felt like things might actually be alright. No matter what happened he would have Dean to help.

When they made it back to Bobby’s house Sam waited until Dean opened his door and helped him out of the car. Hand in hand they walked into the house. He briefly worried about having to talk to Bobby but Dean skipped the library altogether. Heading upstairs Dean led him to their room and helped him into bed. Lying down next to Sam Dean wrapped both arms around him and held him. Finally Sam started to relax. No matter what happened Dean’s arms always felt like home to him.


End file.
